So, again I am blindsided. After what I thought was a fantastic talk with the boy I call my best friend last Friday and a relatively good week, I get completely kicked in the gut tonight.
I have lost my best friend, and his children (who I adore). This is the person that I have spend the better part of the last four years adoring and being there for. I am sitting here in a puddle, I shouldn't be writing, but I decided to screw it and write as I am feeling things. What exactly is it I am feeling?
Hurt
lost
Broken *Utterly broken
Pissed off
ANGRY
I said I wanted to punch him and hug him at the same time. The person who mysteriously drifted back into his life a mere 6 weeks ago has decided to separate from her husband. While "boy" said a few weeks ago he would not jump into anything with her if her marriage ended, he certainly dove right in.
While I was running my @ss off in Mansfield for 6 hours, they were up North deciding to spend the rest of their lives together. Yes, after a run, lunch, a couple of e-mails and 48 hours they have decided that is how things will be.
How's that for waiting a while...
The fucking ink isn't even dry.
I am now another piece of crap that he has filtered out while cleaning and I am left to sit in a blue plastic bag at the side of the curb for pick up with the rest of the recycling.
That's all I've got right now... I'm certain there will be much more as I process this over the next few days, that's for sure.
Thanks "boy" I hope you enjoy your new life.
2 comments:
I am now another piece of crap that he has filtered out while cleaning and I am left to sit in a blue plastic bag at the side of the curb for pick up with the rest of the recycling.
... I know writing lets it all come out and I hope that your blog allows you to process what you are going through.
What I will say is that there are times we feel like garbage and we feel tossed away- but please remember that some people (BOY!!) just don't know beauty and what treasure they have.
Think of it like the show where people bring items they know are worth something but are unsure and the person appraising them looks at the object and gets a big smile and announces its worth. The owner never saw the beauty.
Maybe right now you cannot see or feel your beauty. Sometimes we need to feel those dark places. Just know that we see your beauty, we see your pain and we love all of you.
L.
I'm sorry you are going through this, T. :-(
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