Tuesday, October 31, 2006

I'm a Motor City Maniac!

FEMALE AGE GROUP: 40 - 44
Place/Overall/Gun time/Chip Time/Pace
204 / 3070 / 2:25:53 / 2:22:18 / 10:52

A PB, not quite (just over 5 minutes off)

Am I pleased? Bet your tighty whities I am!

I didn't have any expectations other than to finish around 2:10-2:20, not knowing if that was reality, or if I was just kidding myself. After a summer of really putting the "S" in my long, slow runs, I have been beating myself up about returning to long runs with a 6:30-6:50/Km pace. Getting over the border on Saturday without so much as a line up was a good sign. Seeing every Running Maniac at the Expo was a plus, having dinner, good conversation, bread, chocolate & wine with B, P & H - Bonus! Being able to spend some pre-marathon time with E before her first full, and seeing her finish that full with an ear to ear face busting smile - Priceless!

My only issue on Sunday is that I had inadvertently picked up whole milk instead of 1% or skim for my cereal didn't quite sit in my tummy that well. B & I managed to find each other at the coral & we ran together the first 10+ km until I had to absolutely stop at a rest station, the first time I've ever had to do this during a race in fact. Until Sunday, I had never run straight through (no walk breaks) beyond the 5K mark. I ran with B right until that stop, with a 1:02:xx 10K time (just a few seconds off of my 10K PB from 2005!). I now have the confidence that I can run without the walk breaks for longer distances & I think I am going to work on that over the winter. Managing to find & run with G a couple of times was fantastic as we've never run together in a race situation. After my break, my belly wasn't overly happy but I motored on. Going through the Windsor/Detroit tunnel was the coolest part of this race!

Approaching the last mile, I decided to let go, to leave nothing out there and see if I could make up a bit of time that I had lost because of the milk issues. Rounding the corner into Ford Field & down the ramp (much better than Copp's in Hamilton for sure!) was amazing & I took full advantage of the downhill, flying around the corner & pushing to the finish line, picking off one or two poor souls in the process. Finish time, well until I saw the posted results on Monday, I had no clue other than a gun time of 2:25 something. All that I cared was that I was happy, and pleased with the fact that I pushed myself out there today when I could.

This has been such a journey for me the past 6 months. I think of how beat up & broken I felt after Ottawa & how pleased I was yesterday. It is such a contrast. And I did it with a little help from some great friends, who I give my deepest thanks. Ottawa was the dark cloud in the middle of the storm & Detroit (albeit windy!) was the sunshine peeking through, and the silver lining.

~~~~~~

I guess that's exactly how I had envisioned ending the season of 2006 - on a high note.... Started high in April, came crashing down around me in May and then by relaxing, having fun & getting enjoyment out of running, I found my groove. Yes, it was at the end of the season, but I GOT IT BACK BABY! That's all that matters in my world ;)

2 days post race & I'm still a bit stiff - please don't ask me to take the stairs between floors at the office - it will take me far too long lol.

I finally have "T" looking after all of the little separation details that have been nagging at me as well. I gave him a list a few weeks ago, and I'm happy to say that he's looked after much of it already. Bitersweet - yes, he was the person that I vowed to be with, for better or worse, rich or poor... all that stuff. It just wasn't meant to be. I've accepted that fact and am prepared to continue making strides forward...

Searching for what I truly deserve in my life....

Sunday, October 08, 2006

I give thanks....

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
From time to time, looking deep inside your own heart is the very best way to see the truth about world around you. If you feel you are moving into an introspective, inward-focused time, then just go with it. The universe is reminding you that you are the most important thing in your life. After all, if you can't take care of yourself, how can you take care of the people you love? It's not selfish. It's smart. The answers lie within you.

~~~~~~~~~
Funny that I read this today, as this is what I've been doing all weekend... While I've never been one to read my horoscope other than for pure entertainment & and an occasional laugh, this one that shows up on my Yahoo home page every day seems to be one that I do pay attention to every once in a while.

Holidays this week... Booked way in advance & I never got around to changing them. This is T's birthday "week" yes, you heard me right WEEK... I would take the week off and every day was a gift (usually small & goofy) his favorite things for dinner at night... The list goes on.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided that instead of dreading this week, I would take it as MY OWN. I have numerous books that I intend to read. Some fluff, mostly things that I can't wait to get into. Rented a couple of movies... Things like that. I'm also going to set up the curriculum for my Women's Learn to Run class that starts in a week.

Yesterday I needed to clear the cobwebs so what started out as a 20-25K easy ride north of the city ended up being 49-50K with a bunch of sprints & hill climbing thrown in for good measure. I didn't realize how much I needed that. It was a gorgeous fall day so getting out in the countryside, checking out the farms (realizing how much I miss horseback riding... ) ignoring the rude drivers... Felt good to have the fresh air in my lungs, the sun on my face & the wind at my back... Today my planned 20K dropped to an easy 9K after yesterdays extended kms. Again, I decided to make it MY run & loved every minute of it.

Life is good...

Tracy - out.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Life seems to be unfolding as I want it to…

I haven’t abandoned my blog, I’ve just been carazzzzy busy the past few weeks with training, racing, work & well, life in general. Overall, this has been an extremely eye-opening and enlightening few weeks for me though. One day, I may go into further detail ;-)

I have sort of come to the realization that what happened during my last post may have been more of an anxiety or panic attack more than anything else. I had been holding so much in for so long that it just had to come out, it just took about 4-5 hours to get it all out of my system. The next morning was a bit rough too, and it took me a good 45 minutes to get out the door for my run. I kept finding excuses not to go, I forgot this, needed to change that… the list went on. I never want to have that happen again, so I’ve been doing a lot of reading & soul searching. L & A came to my rescue that weekend & Sunday morning after my run, I went to visit them for the day/evening. It was just what I needed – to be away from home, out of the city & to be in a comfortable surrounding with people who understand what I was going through. That helped so much that I can’t even express it in words.

The following weekend, I did my first Tri of the season; well needless to say, I had a bit of a freak out in the water (argghhh) and only completed one of two loops of the course. I did beat last years swim time by a couple of minutes though! I just couldn’t face doing it all over again. I did have a great day in the end surrounded by friends who know and understand what I’ve been going through.

So fast forward a couple of weeks (don’t worry, I’ve been doing just fabulous!) to Scotia Waterfront-half marathon. This was the crowning glory to the summer of helping my clinic group to their first half. September 24 wasn’t really about me, but deep down inside it was –(does that make me selfish?) I got to see so many happy smiling faces, and to help someone who was struggling to finish 5 or more minutes faster than her projected time. I think my face hurt from the smiles that weekend. I also got a chance to catch up with 30 or so of my “best friends from the internet”, which always leaves me feeling happy. YOU GUYS ROCK, and continue to amaze me with your support.

This past weekend was my redemption for the September 2 trail fiasco… Revenge is sweet (although the dish was a bit cold because I took way longer than I had expected)… I accomplished a lot this past Saturday, my longest distance ever (25K) finished with a face splitting goofy grin and I ran the last 1.5K full out as I had been holding back.. It felt good to finish with that “run ‘till you puke” feeling because I had very little left in me. Well, I must have had something left in me, because I’m contemplating heading out for an hour or so tonight if I still feel like it.

I’ve also been doing a whole lot of soul searching, with a bit of help & guidance from what I hope to be a new friend… Thanks K. You’ve opened my eyes to a lot of things that I knew existed and held myself back from looking at with any depth.