When I separated from T back in 2006 I said that I wouldn't get in another relationship until I was able to enjoy and love my own company. I did that. And here I am just a little over 4 years later, devastated and loathing my own company yet again. It's worse now. I hide behind a keyboard and tiny screen. The occasional drink just to the left of my mouse (tonight it's a Strongbow). I avoid my own company by "feeling" connected to the outside by cables and wi-fi. How lame is that.
I have to stop running (well, figuratively, certainly not literally because I haven't been doing that thing that requires foot movement to propel myself forward) running away from myself and my four walls and the pain that is within those four walls. I know, it's only been four weeks.. but it's been a hellish four weeks. When I separated from T, I finally bit the bullet and talked to my GP about going on anti-depressants. What in the hell do I do this time around? It seems to be ten times worse. I know that it's not, but I can't help but feel that way.
Back to last week. I did get an apology for the re-cycled music videos. Not meant to hurt me, and not sure what else he can do. We are both like that. We emote through music. Someone mentioned over the weekend that our FB updates read like duelling "YouTube" video posts some days. Amusing? Maybe - but that's the way we let our feelings out. Only problem is that my songs range from angry to sad to the odd happy one, his are all happy and glowing. :( FFS. It's not supposed to be that way. Those happy, glowing video tributes are supposed to be for me. Not someone else.
Yes - still on hide so no worries.
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